Just A Love Letter For You.

"I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive cause everything we've been through and everything about you seemed to be a lie, a guiltless twisted lie. It made me learn to hate you or hate myself for letting it pass by."

I badly want to express my feelings to you. I want you to know that i'm inlove w you. so badly. But the feelings, dont you think its lacking? Its weakening each day I wake up. Maybe its because how you talk to me, how you treat me, etc. Its just different already. And maybe that's the reason why I think, i'm starting to love you less.

I'm not giving up on us. That's just impossible. Maybe its you giving up on me. The distance is keeping us apart. We're too young to handle Long Distance Relationships. It just turns into Long Distance Relationshit.

But I want you to know, you're the most amazing, most patient guy ever. And to be honest, you were the longest i've had. Although we're not "official" yet. The first month with you was amazing. You're the only story I share w my cousins, with anyone infact. But, I realised, the longer we got, the less feelings you had for me. (According to me). But I can't judge, because I never had the strength to ask you that.

Maybe i'm the one who has the right to be called a pussy. I'm too scared to end us, i'm too scared to tell you how I feel, i'm too scared of almost everything. And most importantly, I am still afraid to lose you. But although the distance is keeping us apart, I just wished we could be strong for each other.

Maybe you're ashamed of me because your friends may not like me. Maybe, we cant go "public" or "official" because you're just ashamed. Like, yeaah. You dont have the courage to fight for me. MAYBE. i'm just sick and tired of thinking all these odd things about you and me. And it sucks that it has to be like this.

I still love you too much. But I can't stand seeing you caring for someone else's life more than mine. She maybe your "bestfriend" but, you're lucky that I dont go all "inboxing" my guy bestfriends right? But, I was too strong and ignored everything and went all "okay" about it. Although it hurts me too much. But, I never told you how badly it hurts when you wall her more than me. OKAY, whatthehell right? I don't want to get affected by that shizniz. WALLS aren't the reasons why i'm fucked up anyway. SO YEAH.

One more thing, to be honest, i've flirted back with other guys, but I swore, I never cheated on you. Being loyal to you, is one of the stupidest thing in my life.

Many girls are after you, but I just wonder, will you still choose me if someone who looks like Megan Foxx, who wears tudong or whatsoever? No. I could tell.

But i'm missing in action for now, just to get my mind off things.

I love you, Dh.
Just, trust me.
I just wished you would understand.

just say goodbye.

Twenty-two hours earlier, I was still standing on the land i've been for fourteen years. And, unimaginably, I never thought i'd leave by just a snap of a finger ; without saying proper goodbye to other friends. But one thing i'm thankful for is for my friends i've spent time with for the past few weeks, months or days. and that, however, includes, Dolly Ahmad, Nadhrah Tejudin, Muizzah Mahari, Naffijah Joini and etcetera.

Firstly, I'd like to thank Muizzah and Naffijah for sending me at the airport. I know I sound like i've been awarded something, but what the hell, who cares. so anyway, I miss them both. like really. and ofcourse, Nadhrah too.

When I went inside the airplane, I told myself, "i'd come back here, this is where I grew up, this is where I spent my fourteen years. Brunei is still my home." but i wouldn't know when will I ever return. I question myself, will I ever able to see my friends grow up? get married? settle down? with families perhaps? I WISH.

As the plane took off, I looked out the window and said my last goodbye to Brunei and I saw the amazing view and I, funnily think, Brunei isn't as boring as it seems. Well, whateer. I just wish I could stay a little while longer.

A month from now, i'd have a new home, new school, lets just simply say, new life.

"its over."

its funny how i got over you by just a blink of an eye. :)

New year, baby.

Met up with Meeza this open house thingi this year.(: oh gosh, i loved her. We bitched, we messaged we had fun, infact. It's a sad thing, we couldnt hang out that much.(: But i appreciate anyway.(: had to ask her to stay a couple more hours, because, we don't really get to talk like this in school, i mean, we are schoolmates, but recess is the only time we get to talk, & recess is like, twenty minutes? hmmpff.:( & i'd miss new year.:(








oh, bestfriend, i love you.